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Zachary Byron Helm's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 | | 1:24 am |
These are a few shots of an industrial complex on the Southern side of Colorado Springs. I have driven by them many times at night and the thing that always strikes me is that through the steam from the cooling towers the stacks always look a bit like giant, ominous snakes with red eyes. I always wanted to take a picture of this but every time the steam is in full form I never have a camera with me. Luckily this time I did -   | | Saturday, November 14th, 2009 | | 3:32 pm |
What are your favorite song lyrics?
So we went to the Rob Zombie concert last week thanks to Kevin. He managed to get us free tickets using his car at some radio appearance, and ironically we used our car to meet him! Rob Zombie is reportedly hard as hell to meet, Desiree tried to meet him once and had no luck, the venue guards even told me that he was infamous for bolting right after the show. Well fuck that! So as soon the show was out I ran 6 blocks to pick up Alexi and haul ass back to the venue. I whipped into the parking lot and lit up the hood and roof flame throwers and angled Aftermath, the large flamethrower on the roof at the tour bus. "HEY! That's a fire hazzard!" exclaimed the extremely astute bouncer outside of the bus. "Yeah, that's the point, Sherlock" I told him.  We caught John 5's attention and he came out to talk to us after a bit. About 15 minutes later Rob Zombie came out and was gracious enough to take some pictures with us. I figured if a hearse that is on fire isn't enough to get his attention then nothing is.   Desiree and Rob.
Also, I was listening to some music today thinking about some of my favorite lyrics - "Walk through the gate...welcome the creature you've made...embrace your disgrace" -Dr. Steel, Planet X Marks the Spot "The next thing I say to you will be true, the last thing I said was false" -Devo, Enough Said "Step two, baby, you're Jean Luc Picard! Captain of the vessel, you're the man that's in charge, step two...ENGAGE! Make it so!" -The Strand, Step One What are some of your favorite lyrics from songs? | | Thursday, November 5th, 2009 | | 2:06 am |
Hey Facebook users! Guess what? Fuck you, that's what, now die.
Preface - Yes, I do have a Facebook. I got it because I thought it might be worth something. It most certainly isn't worth half inch cock to Nel Carter. This posting is meant to do 2 things - Vent my unfathomable well of hatred about Facebook, and open a dialogue on what the best way to destroy my account there would be. Ok...go! Hi dildos. I am addressing ALL of you who have Facebook accounts. Thank you. Thank you for coming to this liquid poo bad site and making it the next big thing. Thanks for dragging me into your shit covered cesspool with you. I thought we already agreed on a half assed, poorly planned, poorly executed, error ridled piece of shit social website for self obsessed assholes, didn't we? A place where people can bog down the internet with thousands of nearly identical photos of themselves in various poses of pensive, self perceived sexiness?
It's called Myspace, now get off this horrid cocksucking site and get back to the one that is no better, but we're all used to and allows open source editing, you fuck tards. We just NOW have all gotten used to Myspace, learned to live with it's constant errors, bullshit spambot profiles and retarded caricature celebrities, now you think it's time to move on? After I have learned to suppress the involuntary spasm of reverse peristalsis that I suffer every time I see Jeffree Star on someone's top friends list?
Well fuck you. You don't get to do that. You picked your god forsaken, bow legged, cockeyed, pants shitting, retard of a horse, you don't get to change it halfway through the race. Ride that fucker, ride it until breaks, until it's legs snap and all you can do is sit around and fester in the first hell you created. You don't get to abandon it and go on to create new layers of real estate at Dante's Inferno.
I hate you all. Every one of you had better PRAY, and I mean on a regular basis, face on the ground, pointed towards whatever place you call holy fucking Mecca or whatever PRAY that I don't get a million dollars any time soon, because if I do, all you fad following fucks are going to pay. I hate this new site so much that if I do come into money, I am going to use it to fly around the country and beat the shit out of everyone who helped make this happen. Start practicing right now, just hold your mouths open and keep it that way until I get there so that when I bury my foot in your ass so hard that your pelvis snaps upward into your face you can suck your own genitals momentarily before they break your hipster fucking noses.
We did this once already and we're not doing it again. Yes, Myspace is a shit sandwhich, but shut the hell up, eat it because you cooked it, and just rejoice if you find a piece of corn in it. If you enjoyed this and agree with these sentiments, please feel free to cross post this everywhere, join the Anti-Facebook movement today! You assholes.
| | Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 | | 1:17 am |
Paranormal Activity review
Here are the pertinent facts you need to know about this movie if you plan to go see it - The end sucks and you're just going to sit there wondering if that bitch ass ending was all the payoff for sitting through over an hour of shaky cam/tripod shots. Yes, yes it is. That's it. Don't bother waiting around, the disappointment is genuine. I won't ruin it for you by telling you that there is NO PAYOFF at all. I love how horror movies can't find the balance AT FUCKING ALL these days, it is either show way too much discomforting gore (here I am thinking of SAW, plus, seriously, how much havoc can one dead guy's VCR really wreck after he has died? Certainly not enough for THIS MANY sequels) or you get the bullshit The Ring/The Others/6th Sense cop out where they try to scare you by NOT showing you anything. Hey, Hollywood, here's a thought - if I want to sit around and get scared shitless by not seeing what is going on, I'll put on a blindfold and stand around in the ghetto, best of all it won't cost me anything, but when I spend gas money, $13 and whatever highway robbery is currently costing at the concessions stand, you sure as tits better conjure up something amazing at some point to justify it. Also, this movie was made for $15,000 and you WILL spend most of the movie wondering, given the production value, where the other $14,999 went to. | | Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 | | 3:03 am |
Not really related to anything at all, but October has been a month of pretty fucking awesome compliments. Quite a few people have told me that they have been wanting to meet me in person for some time and that it was really exciting. That's pretty damned awesome, although my journal will lead people to believe that my life is far more glamorous than it really is. I make it a habit to only post exciting pictures or omit defining facts. Example - Posting pictures of triumphant public appearances. Omitting pictures or anecdotes of me throwing power tools against the wall because the god damned banner I have been working on for 3 hours is failing Ray Charles at an eye exam. Another good example would be the fact that I am in a house right now with two strapping, kick ass male agents of SORP and a hot ass goth girl, but leaving out the fact that everyone but me is snoring and passed out. I was also at a haunted house wherein a straight guy gave me the Christian Bale compliment, ie: "Well, I'm straight and I'd fuck you!" which is flattering, normally that is only reserved for the Bale and in some cases, the lead singer of Information Society. Quite an honor. Also, tomorrow I am getting paid to drive around Denver with anti drunk driving stuff all over my car. I am not really down with that. I HATE drunk drivers, but I also think it's pretty common sense these days not to drive drunk, I don't think we need to raise awareness of it, I think we need to initiate harsher ass beatings for it. Anyways, it's paying some bills and honestly, doing the worst job in the world for yourself is better than doing the best job in the universe for someone else. | | 2:11 am |
 Cynthia on the way to the Emma Crawford Casket Races this year in the front seat of Alexi.  Big Rob helping Chelsea get her armband situated. I am certain that he did this based on the merits of his good character and willingness to help a fellow human being alone, and it had nothing to do with her being a hot chick.  On the menu this year...yelling at motherfuckers with a megaphone.    This kid was articulating what I was pretty much thinking all day. "Chicks in skirts on both sides of me, yeeeeeeeeeeah!" In other news... Not like I have anything better to post, but I can't help but wondering...in this economy banks, restaurants and other institutions that are essential for the structure of our economy and day to day life are closing left and right, people are losing their houses, cars, jobs...yet there are three thing institutions that really should be fucking gone by now that aren't. "Brookstone" "Spencer's" and "It's Your Move". Seriously. What the fucking fuck? This isn't just WTF, it actually goes so far beyond that it needs an extra fuck. WTFF!? I was thinking about this because on my way to a parade this morning I passed by some shop with some name like "Sir Dragon Beard McChainmailwearer Stabbington's Cutlery, knives and swords" that had a sign our front advertising deals on knife sharpening, and I thought "How the projectile shitting Christ does THAT guy stay in business!?" First off, how the hell many people have serious knifing needs in this economy? I can honestly say that outside of peasant revolts, you're probably not EVER going to actually NEED a broadsword, let alone some guy to sharpen it. I'm gonna go for a generalization here, but if you are stabbing enough shit with knives to need bulk discounts on sharpening services you most assuredly should not be at large withing the general populace. You should be stabbing shit 3, 4 times a week TOPS. Get a fucking gun and shoot your problems away like a normal teenager for fuck's sake. Anyway, the point was that this got me to thinking about how "It's Your Move" "Spencer's" and "Brookstone" have both survived multiple recessions and I can't figure that shit out. I mean, how the hell are people struggling to pay their mortgages yet still saying to themselves "I think I need to get a dildo with some high class inlaid glitter or a book that will regale me with astute and humorous observations punctuated with high quality illustrations on what will happen to my penis when it turns 40, I had better go to Spencer's and shave $40 off my rent payment" or better yet "Wow, I really hate how I can't afford to feed my family and sure am bummed that fat, stocky guys with facial hair took my car last week, the only thing that could POSSIBLY cheer me up right now is a puzzle wherein I have two metal triangles attached by a chain with a chrome ring in the center that I have to figure out how to remove from the chain, better go to that fucking puzzle store!" Seriously people, where are your fucking priorities!? Half the time you can't even get the ring back on the fucking thing after you solve it! Don''t even get me started on Brookstone and all the pseudo ethnic crap they sell. No one EVER has needed a god damned rain stick, ever. Whatever tribe came up with that idea should be extinct for wasting their time coming up with rain sticks instead of blow darts. I seriously fantasize that whatever tribe it was that birthed that shit was sitting around one day when another tribe came along and just buttfucked them all to death on principle alone. Good job, you created a useless item that sits on a shelf next to chrome plated nose hair trimmers at a failure of an upscale bullshit store, great legacy your tribe left to the world. That shit is the pet rock of tribal cultures, I bet it's the same group that brought us all those shitty tattoos that all the Pantera listening, H3 driving offroad "Extreme" fucktards got all over their arms 10 years ago. | | Monday, October 26th, 2009 | | 8:14 pm |
If I see one more dipshit wearing a chemical mask or face mask in public, I am going to peehole rape them on principle alone. You are NOT going to die from Swine Flu you tard ass mouth breathers. | | Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 | | 5:32 pm |
Last week we struck out for Third Bridge, a creepy ass bridge just outside of Aurora. I have been going to this location for year and figured Rob, Desiree, Terry, Morgan and Sage should see it with me. Along with the pictures I have added some stories of some of the more disturbing or unusual things that have happened while I have been at this location... 
(On the road) Desiree falling asleep on my shoulder. What a trooper.  Arriving on the scene with Alexi. Taken with my G9, which sucks sometimes but redeems itself in the night photography department. We also ran into a large group of people at the bridge, who we promptly scared the fuck out of when we pulled up...  And I quote - "Dayum!" we circled around this group, there were about 5 cars there already so I drove past slowly before doubling back. The hilarious thing was that I could very clearly hear the heated debate among this group as to whether they wanted to still go to the bridge now that we were parked on it. The answer ended up being yes finally and we got a lovely group picture.  Looking out towards the West.  For any of you who are not familiar with it, Third Bridge is located on Quincy road as you head out of Aurora. These days it is actually the fourth bridge out, so don't be fooled. If you have not passed a creepy looking one story factory on the left then you have not gone far enough. A lot of next level shit has happened to me out at this bridge. First off, before I get into details, I want to make something clear. A lot of times people will tell you these types of ghost stories and SOMEWHERE in the telling they reveal that they were one of the following: A. Really drunk or B. Really high Which they amend by stating that it was TOTALLY not a factor in the fact that they saw a giant pterodactyl sitting on a lounge chair in a smoking jacket in the middle of the road. To be clear, I was not only sober during these occasions, but I have never, despite what my outward appearance would seem to suggest, been drunk or high. The things I saw, I know for a fact, I saw. What they were I would not wager to guess. When you arrive at Third Bridge you are likely to hear what sound like Indian drums, hear strange scraping noises or some far off animals. If you see a series of bright lights, that's nothing other wordly, that's the cops. I'd suggest the honest approach, they know all about Third Bridge and are not about to buy it that you and seven of your best friends cars just HAPPENED to break down there.  When I began going to the bridge there was a dog there, well, a flattened dog, that we used to call Skinny Puppy. The dog's remains would always be in a different location at the bridge every time we went, one time it was clear under the bridge, once laid out on the other side of the road, sometimes it would just be oriented differently. On one trip as we exited the car the wind picked up, as we approached the bridge it got faster with every footstep until by the end of the bridge it was blowing hard enough that we were having a great difficulty even walking against it or keeping our eyes open to look ahead. As we walked back to the car it died out as gradually as it had started.  There are probably three stories that really stand out though. The first was the UFO we encountered. THE UFO
Several friends and I went there in my friend Robert's SUV. The night was pretty uneventful but as we drove away I noticed a bright light to the West over Gun Club Road. I asked everyone what they thought it was and was informed that it was just a shack with a light or a street lamp. "Uhm, there are no street lamps out here, and unless that shack is FAA approved, it's not quite right, that light is several hundred feet of the ground" I informed them. They passed it off as an illusion due to the fact that it was on a hillside, but as we approached it became obvious that it was indeed a few hundred feet off the ground. We watched it, hovering there and very slowly two more lights emerged from the center light and then two more until finally there were seven lights in all, stretched out in a single file line with the brightest at the center. Slowly this line of lights started rotating clockwise, as though the lights were on a giant, slowly rotating propeller. We sped up to try to close in, but even at about 110 miles per hour we made no discernible gains on it's position. As we approached Gun Club Road all the lights suddenly collapsed inward and the center light increased in it's intensity. Almost instantly the light shot out over Aurora and covered about 10 miles in a matter of seconds. We watched the light buzz over the city like a fly in a house for about 10 minutes before it finally disappeared. In the spot where I thought it was hovering I noticed three towers with red lights on them glowing on and off. To this day I have no idea what the hell that light was, I don't think it was extraterrestrial, but I do think it was classified.  THE AGUEMENT I NEVER REMEMBERED On another occasion Katt and I decided to strike out to the bridge in her Saturn. We failed to bring flashlights and the minute we stepped out of the car we immediately regretted it. The wind was horrendous and there was no light ANYWHERE. You never really think about how much ambient light you are surrounded by in the "Darkness" that you perceive in the city. Darkness in the city is kind of like saying you can see soul in the Jonas Brothers. It aint really there, sorry. There is so much ambient light that even when it is dark there are exit signs, far off lights and whatnot that are still present. Darkness at third bridge is like someone raped the concept of light and left the murdered body for you to stumble over. We only stepped maybe ten feet from the car but everywhere I could hear the sound of things running around or scampering across the street. Something kept flying over and behind our heads, just out of eyesight, but you could hear it. I cannot truly convey the amount of terror that hearing footsteps or wings behind you of something you cannot see, but rest assured, it is immeasurable. After about 3 minutes something very large hit the street. It was nothing I could identify but it was a large, THUD sound. At that moment we decided to employ the "Run like bitches" strategy and got back to the car. As we pulled away and got about a mile between us and the bridge Katt started talking about how weird the whole experience was. "Wow that was crazy! Do you think we should go back and check it out?" she asked. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked. Now I am no coward, but at this point I was at least wanting my testicles to descend from their hiding place in my pelvic cavity before considering another trip back to the bridge. Katt was not deterred. For the next few miles she badgered me and tried to convince me it was nothing and that I should just turn around and go back with her. I argued the point and we went home. A few months later I asked her why, in God's name, she wanted to go back that night after all that craziness. "I didn't want to go back. In fact, as soon as we got in the car YOU started telling me we should go back, you started saying over and over again 'let's go back, let's go back' until it got really kinda freaky". Needless to say, I had not said any such thing. We both had completely isolated memories of the other person insisting we return while adamantly believing that we should leave. For a post script on this that is rather creepy, read our most recent experience a little ways down. THE OLD RAPIN' HOUSE Probably more than any other story about this area, this one gets me the most and actually disturbs me quite a lot to think about. Or at least that is what my good friend Joe calls it. This house sits a few miles away on Gun Club Road. The house used to have a top level, but it collapsed a while ago leaving debris, a few sheds and a well. The basement is still in tact and is good for a creepy experience if you can discern the rubble from the road. This is probably the worst of the stories about this area and I was not present for it, but I do not doubt the source. I had shown a friend of mine the house. She decided one night to return to the house while out taking a drive. She parked about half a mile away to avoid detection and went into the house, upon venturing into the basement she heard three or four people enter the upstairs portion of the house. Fearing for her safety she found a corner in the basement where a huge stack of filth, debris and trash had accumulated and buried herself in it. She described how she stayed there for hours hoping that whoever was upstairs would leave and fearing they would come into the basement and find her. She told me that they spoke in a language she had never heard before. Although you might not speak French or Spanish, you can probably guess when someone is talking to you, the origin of their language based on dialect or the general tones and sounds of the language, she said it sounded unlike any other spoken language she had heard before. The talking continued for hours and finally she decided to make her move and crawled through the basement window, out through the weeds and back towards her car. She said the crawl itself took well over an hour, inching along, fearing making the slightest sound. When she was about 70 feet from her car she jumped up and sprinted to it, got inside and tore out. I have never heard any other stories about this house from my friends that hints at any other activity at this location, but this was enough to cause me to bring lights and weapons every time I come to this location. THE RECENT TRIP
Our most recent trip yielded these pictures. Nothing crazy happened, but we did encounter a large group of people while we were there. While talking to them we exchanged some stories and one of the guys in the group asked another one "Hey man, remember that time we got freaked out and left and then you started saying 'Let's go back, let's go back' over and over again after we left?" That one got me. I had made no mention of my experience with that situation, they brought it up out of the blue. I asked them about it and the guy said he had no recollection of stating they should return, but all his friends heard him practically insist they go back. 
(Rob and I)  (A little fire before leaving)  (Terry and Sage)  (Aw, Rob is sleeeeeepy) | | 2:07 pm |
| | 2:52 am |
Like American Psycho?
Then you need to watch this. It is fucking phenomenal, a true masterpiece. FUCKING AWESOME | | Thursday, October 15th, 2009 | | 2:21 am |
Halloween stuff!
I have another entry I am working on about the infamous Third Bridge in Colorado, but in the mean time, some bad ass photos of the last couple of weeks...  You know what sucks about driving a hearse and being part of THE MOST BADASS hearse club ever during the month of October? NOTHING. We are currently on free haunted house number 3 for the season. Man, if you own a crazy, unusual or otherwise property value lowering vehicle you really should try to parlay it into free shit wherever you go. I do this with any horror movie or haunt that I can. I have also used it to get parked on the sidewalk in front of movie theaters. "Hey, I noticed you're playing Toxic Avenger tonight, I have a car with flamethrowers, we should park it right in front where people can't even wait for a fucking bus because my giant car is taking up the entire sidewalk" I say. "That seems like a good idea!" says they.  Not mine, Mickey's "Spawn" outside of City of the Dead.   You can't really tell from the pictures, but it was colder than Santa's taint on a concrete bench in December in this picture.  Tell me this is not a badass photo?  Mickey and Squee  You know what was great about the Angelspit concert? Listening to all the goobers who think they had a chance with this girl. KMFDM was...how to put this...shit. And I say that as a fan. Only in concert can you get the full two barrels of how much every single song is exactly the same.  The Canon G9 is a great camera for night shots and impossibly huge photos, but it sucks with outside night pics that are shot quickly, FYI. Rob, Desiree, Amelia, Karl and I in this shot.  "I come from a desert island man, I'm not used to this shit!" -Karl, talking to someone from Canada about the cold ass weather that night. | | Monday, October 12th, 2009 | | 3:09 am |
SORP Films Resident Evil parody?
So Sage and I are considering a SORP Films parody of Resident Evil. I love the movie (the first one) and he is a big fan of games, the only problem is, we aren't really getting a ton of ideas on what we could actually do for a parody. One idea was Resident Evil, a Pain In My Ass, something along the lines of our Zelda parody. Bottom line, we're open to suggestions. What are some situations you would suggest we parody or ideas and scenarios we could put our main characters in that would take advantage of the RE legacy? | | Thursday, October 8th, 2009 | | 5:35 am |
| | Monday, October 5th, 2009 | | 5:16 am |
Just two QUICK things here...
I may have said this before, but it is worth repeating.... 1. Goths, as a scene, ever since the beginning, decided and agreed upon a unified color of choice. Ready? IT WAS BLACK. Black is the color you wear as a goth because it is as far from color as you can get so will you dragging nutsack dick lickers STOP trying to make NEON colors the new "Goth thing"!? It's not going to happen, please either get a mutated form of Aids or just become a fucking raver already. Thank you. 2. If you are so technically retarded that you cannot capture video from your TV and upload it to the internet, DO NOT just take a video camera and tape the TV. I was looking for the Star Trek/Family Guy clip tonight and EVERY fucking one I found was some dumbass taping his TV screen, and said dumbasses had the motor/camera holding skills of a drunken retard trying to sit on a leather chair with a lubed ass. If you can't even hold a camera straight just SET IT ON SOMETHING, it's not that fucking complicated. More new stuff soon, just wanted to get that off my chest. | | Tuesday, September 29th, 2009 | | 4:52 pm |
| | Thursday, September 24th, 2009 | | 4:59 am |
One more quick thing...
Thanks to everyone who helped cross post the Emo Assault Squadron 2 video! I am working to improve on responding to people who post on my journal, but I end up having to fall behind on it a lot because I have a lot of other obligations I have to fulfill. Suffice it to say, I appreciate the hell out of my readers and supporters, none of this would be possible, and more importantly, none of this would be rewarding, without you. | | Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009 | | 6:28 am |
EMO ASSAULT SQUADRON 2 ONLINE!
Well my knee-grows, it is DONE! Feel free to cross post this everywhere! It all helps the cause. And YES, there really are Emo Assault Squadron shirts available for a low, low price. Be the most fashionable kid on your block, be the envy of everyone at school, buy a shirt or armband and show your support! Only at - www.sorpfilms.net | | Monday, September 21st, 2009 | | 8:14 am |
Emo Assault Squadron 2 is coming tomorrow!
 That about sums it up. Watch this space tomorrow to see it. I have been up all freaking night editing, correcting sound, seething with rage at Adobe Premiere, all to get this motherfucker done, and it is finally finished! | | Sunday, September 20th, 2009 | | 3:33 am |
 Ok, so I have to ask, am I the ONLY person alive who thought the Kanye west macros were shit since the beginning? We got it, Kanye interrupted and the situation can be transposed onto a multitude of other situations in JPEG forum. Now go back to using MSPaint for something more constructive, like drawing fake jizz on pictures of your best friends girlfriends or something. | | Wednesday, September 16th, 2009 | | 6:27 am |
New SORP FILMS website!
 Well, I was going to wait until the new installment of Emo Assault Squadron came out (will be a few days, Rich is working on the soundtrack) but I figured I will make the announcement now about the new website. The good news is that the store is up, so I encourage you to go check it out. We have shirts, DVD's and armbands (the same exact ones you always see me wearing) for sale, and honestly, it would be a big motherfucking help if anyone would buy any of this right now, that is for damned sure! If nothing else, just go check out the website and enjoy some of the videos while you wait for Emo Assault Squadron 2 to come out! www.sorpfilms.net |
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